Savannah's 8th Birthday | Coparenting and Family Photos

I’ve been photographing this sweet bunch for 4 years now! 4 years! Even after I moved here from Calgary, they still reached out when it was time for family photos. Ahh my heart. I am so thankful for them & their story, which I am so pleased to be able to share with you. As soon as I finished editing Savannah’s birthday session this year, I just KNEW that I had to ask Kellie (Savannah’s mom) if she’d be open to sharing her ‘why’ behind their annual family session as it’s not the kind of session you might typically see, yet it is so relatable for so many… and yup, it definitely got the tears flowing on my end. Make sure you read the whole thing below to hear Kellie’s story & her perspective on this beautiful annual tradition. Her words are so inspirational, so encouraging, and so full of love, and I hope that reading her story (& seeing their beautiful family photos below!) gives you all the warm fuzzies on this chilly day! Without further ado, meet my friend, Kellie!

“When Krystle asked me if I would be willing to write something about our family photo session I got really excited… but then really nervous. You see, I feel that we don’t talk about things that aren’t the “norm”. We seem to push them away, sweep them under the rug, or just forget they exist. I hate that, and the idea that how we live our lives can’t be talked about and should be hidden.

Our family photo session is unique. Why? Well, because we aren’t just the Husband and Wife with their child. We are the Mom, the Dad, the Child, the Step Mom, and the Boyfriend. Is that really unique though? I mean, I know many people that co-parent, where the child’s (or children’s) biological parents are no longer together. So why is it that these photo sessions of us all together are so unique? Let’s go back a few years…

We started doing photos as a family when we were married, with our one, and then two year old, little girl…you know, the traditional family unit. We did it to celebrate & to remember her birthday, and to have photos to send out at Christmas. When the third year came, we were no longer married. So, I did the photo session with just my daughter and I. Same thing for year four.

When year five rolled around, we had gotten over most of the hiccups of learning to co-parent (I mean, it is ever changing, but it was no longer filled with constant “firsts” for us). We had been able to communicate and most importantly, we learned to put our daughter first. When I planned for our five year photos, I originally had it planned for just my daughter and I, like I had done the two years before. Then, I changed my mind. I picked up my daughter from her dads house, and I saw photos on the wall that were years old. I wanted my daughter to have photos to look back on with her dad, just like she had of her and I. So, I asked her dad if he would like to join us, and kind of surprising to me, he said yes.

I remember driving to that photo session thinking it was a bit weird. Thinking this wasn’t “normal” and wondering how it would go. How it would feel. Would the photographer make us do weird poses together? Would they turn out bad or look forced? Krystle was a friend of a friend that was recommended to me. We had chatted through social media a bit, and I had told her what the situation was. She was INCREDIBLE to deal with. Positive, happy, smiling ear to ear, and understanding. As we did that session, I felt more comfortable. No weird poses, no forcing us, we just did what we wanted to do. Some pictures of my daughter and I, some pictures of her dad and her, some individual pictures of her, and we did some of the three of us together as well.

Year six came, I knew exactly who I was going to ask to do the photos. It had went so well the year before, that I knew I wanted Krystle as our photographer again, and lucky for us, she was up for it too!

Year seven came, same amazing photographer, same Mom, same Dad, same Daughter, but this year, with an addition. At the time, it was her Dads girlfriend. Now, I’ll be honest. I was apprehensive to the idea of her being in them at first. Having someone else in OUR family photos… what if they broke up after the photos? What if it was weird? and selfishly, what about me… I would be alone. All the feelings and emotions I felt. I stopped. I breathed and reminded myself… WHO is in our daughters family? In year seven, it included her dads girlfriend, who a few weeks after our photo session, became his fiance, and 6 months after that, his wife.

I remember going for coffee with her one day and we were talking about the photos. She opened up to me that the year before when we did the photos and she wasn’t included in them it made her feel awkward. Understandable. Her boyfriend was taking professional photos with his ex and their shared daughter – to be honest, I don’t blame her! I would feel awkward too! I felt honoured that she opened up to me that way, and showed so much vulnerability by sharing that with me. We talked about it, and I was able to explain why they were important to me which left us both feeling more comfortable.

As the planning started for year eight, and yes, planning… months and months in advance (can you tell I get excited for these pictures?!?!), I sent messages to my daughters dad and his wife talking about colour schemes, outfits etc. His wife and I decided to go shopping together to get outfits for it. It turned into a full day including multiple stores, the mall, coffee, lunch, everything. It was something I was so appreciative of. That someone could come into our lives, that really didn’t need to be involved, that didn’t need to have a relationship with me, but chose to. Someone who was willing to make the effort, who wanted to get to know me as well, and someone who wanted to be involved and was also excited about the photos.

This year was also a big year, because we added another person, my boyfriend. Again, I feel lucky because although he isn’t a huge fan of photos, he was on board with it! He understood why it was important to me, and why it would be so good for my little one. He jumped right in, tried on the many different shirts I bought him until we found the right one, and gave up sleep between night shifts to do the photos.

We drove to this years location, which was an hour away (thanks again Krystle for making the drive!), and we all drove together. My boyfriend, myself, our daughter, her dad and his wife. All 5 of us. We spent two hours driving there and back together, and another hour doing the photos.. and you know what… IT. WAS. GOOD.

Not all people who are divorced need to hate each other and not all step parents need to be “evil.” You see, just because we aren’t married anymore, and we have different lives doesn’t mean we aren’t family. Through our daughter, we will always be family. We are HER family.

We all agree that our daughter deserves the best, and that’s what we want to give her. We have our ups and downs. Highs and lows. Some days are easier than others, and some conversations are harder than others. We are now building two different homes, with two different relationships in them, two different sets of rules but all revolving around one little girl. At the end of the day, she’s what matters. Her happiness. Her well being. Us helping her to become the best human she can be.

So, I will leave this long post with this: no, it’s not easy. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes it hurts, and most of the time it means putting your own wants, needs, and feelings aside. BUT it is worth it. It is worth our daughter being able to take one photo to school on show and tell days to show everyone in her family, and not have to take two. It is worth it for her to know that we are all on the same team, rooting for her, and that we want what’s best for her. It is worth it to have us all sitting in the same cheering section at her dance recitals, and not on opposite ends of the auditorium. It is worth it so that she knows she can’t play both sides (Lord help us in 7 years when we know she will try), and it is worth all of our sanities to get along because it is a lot easier to love, and get along, than it is to hate and fight.

Thank you Krystle for being so amazing to our family. For always being open to the new additions, trying new poses with us, switching up the location every year (even when you don’t get to see them first and you simply trust my recommendations), and for giving all of us amazing photos that we get to hang in each of our homes. Thanks to you, our daughter gets to have pictures in her room that are of everyone she loves, and year after year we get to see us all grow through your lens, independently, as couples, as parents, co-parents and step parents, and as our own unique family. We can’t thank you enough!”

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Click here for a little stroll down memory lane as I share a few more of my favourite images from Savannah’s 5th, 6th, & 7th birthday sessions! It’s so crazy to see just how quickly she’s grown & it’s so wonderful to see how their family has expanded over the years. Savannah is a such a lucky young lady to be surrounded by so much love & support!